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nobodynoes
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Country: Brazil
Birthday: 12/31/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Painting, photography, art. going to shows. experiencing, and being a part of nature. connecting with another person on any level. Scmokin da chibba. Going to new places, meeting new people. truely laughing or crying because i laugh when i cry, and i cry when i laugh.
Occupation: Artist
Message: message me
AIM:  Purple0eye
Member Since:
5/20/2004
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| so...me and my brother worked everything out, so were ok now. he was just worried about me and thought that if he disowned me as a sisiter he wouldnt have to worry anymore. I'm really going to miss my family here, they mean a lot to me. Espically my aunts, and my cousin maria. But im actually comming back for christmas break...and im already excited about that. ive never even been with so much family for the holidays before, so that should be good. i know what im doing is probably foolish...and i made the wrong desicion. but now i have to live with it, and do the best i can. theres no turning back. | | |
| I have finally made the desicion. I am leaving for santa barabra tomarrow. Im really nervous, and i feel really bad because my parents dont want me to go, and now my brother isnt even talking to me because he thinks i am rushing into college. well, i am...im missing the first 4 days of school...i still have to regester when i get there, and find a job by the end of the week. I'm freaking out because im going to leave my family on bad terms, but i dont want to miss the opportunity to have a job. because i know how hard it would be for me to find a job in sb because so many kinds in the same sitiatution are looking for jobs. so, once again i am guilted with the question...did i make the right desicion? am i making a mistake? i really hope not....im going to try to prove myself as best as i can to my parents who seem to have no faith in me. but i believe in myself, so im hoping that will be good enough, because its all i have. but, what i do know is that i will be happy to be back in Santa Barabara with my friends who feel like family, and i know will be there for me.....because they always have. thats probably what i have missed most, is having close friends i can always count on. i mean....i think i feel good about my experience here, i saw family that i never met, or hadnt seen for years...i learned some portuguese....i meet a few new people...i went to the beach...and i got some sick ass photos. plus im comming back here in May. i just wish somethings in life were certain...but theyre not. im going to be on my own for the first time ever...so thats kinda scary, but its also really exciting, i think i need this right now. | | |
| Wow....i guess i havent written in this for hella days. I finished high school, and now im in brazil. its really different here, but i am getting used to it. i know that in time, once i learn the language and meet more people it could be even better than the states. but i miss everything ive ever known. Yesterday i made the desicion that i wanted to go to santa barbara city college in the fall, but i dont know if that is really what i want to do. I mean, its a good idea to go there because i could stay in the dorms and i could take public trans anywwhere i needed to go. but if i didnt stay here im afraid i would be missing out on something. ive never been to carnival in feburary which is like mardi gras, but way more intense. Also i was looking forward to spending my birthday, new years eve in rio because its suposded to be pretty crazy. but i also kinda want to be a college freshman with everyone else my age, and not miss out on that experience. And not have to be in college for longer than everyone else. i mean i can always come back here, but then again i can always go to school, so i dont know what to do at all. So now, once again i have to choose between, north and south, family, and friends, fun and education. i dont know what to do. well, here are some pics......
this is my appartment building.
one of my cousins, maria
view from my roof at night.
and if you want to see more go to http://photobucket.com/albums/b105/the_aperature_of_my_eyes/
and if you have any suggestions of what i should do then leave me a message. | | |
| I've been feeling so uninspired, so bored, so lazy, so ugly, so useless and i dont know what to do. I know i just have to get off my ass and start doing the shit that needs to get done. But i just dont have the motivation..whats the point of getting my liscense when theres no where to go?, why should i graduate when my parents wont even be there to see it? I mean i know the answer to that is that i should want to do it for myself. Its just hard when you feel like you have nothing on your side, and everything feels shitty all the time. I think ive had one of the worst weekends ever. I just want to live in my dreams forever...sleeping peacefully with no worries, no responiblities, no heartbreak. Just my own thoughts. When I sleep I feel so different, so much better.. but when im awake i feel like im in a dream world with things passing me by without my control and i just observe the world as if it were on T.V. Im totally deatached from reality...i think im someone im not, i think people see me differently than they do. Maybe I am manic like the doctors say...or maybe ive just been doing too many drugs. I wish i just knew all the answers. When will my day come? I'm just stoned and alone...pay no attention to me as usual. Sorry if you think this is hella whiny and lame, but its just straight up whats in my head so deal with it.
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This is my brother, Andre
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